The Circus and the Library Cards

In the words of our sweet Carli, today was totally WANDOM!!! *I hope she NEVER learns to say her R's.  I love hearing this!*

This morning, I went with my new friend, Sandie, to a Moms in Touch prayer group.  This was the most awesome group of women.  I spent way too much time talking about me and they spent way too much time listening.  Don't they know they have to STOP LISTENING before I hush? I should come with a warning label!!! We prayed for our school, teachers and our children.  It was such a blessing for me.  I cried and cried.  I felt so humbled to be invited to such an intimate gathering (only 4 of us) and they didn't even kick me out for crying!  WooHoo!  I felt so overwhelmed with God's love being there.  God has sent these women to me and literally THROWN them at me.  It hasn't been a secret that I didn't want to meet friends yet.  That was something I didn't think I was 'ready for.'  I left so many really strong friendships behind in OK that I couldn't let my heart love others so soon.....so I thought.  The hostess of our group had this precious little dog that LOVES lotion and bare legs.  Bahahaha!  So funny.  Guess who wore capri pants and lotion???  Yup...me....  That sweet little pooch went after my legs like a fresh soft serve ice cream cone!  She couldn't stay away.  It really made my day.  Every time I think about it, I get the giggles.  I've felt that way with chocolate before.  I could walk away just like she did and then the craving would be too much for me to handle!  I only speak the truth......

Shall we fast forward to my brain child idea of taking my circus to the library?  If you know me well, you know I plan EVERYTHING down to the detail. This is NOT always a good thing.  I went online to the Henrico County Library website several days ago.  I entered all of the information they requested for our library cards.  I thought this would be a HUGE step in the right direction when it came time to get the actual cards.  *It was not.*  While we drove to the library (about 4 miles) the kids fought over who's turn it was to tell me about the most awesome part of their day.  They talked over each other...they said ugly things to each other....  I wanted to park the car and walk away.  I wanted so badly to tell them that the best part of MY day was while they were at school because I was able to hear myself think!  **I refrained from letting them know this.  Their egos are fragile and they wouldn't have seen the humor that I saw.**  We pulled in to the library parking lot.  I gave them all a lecture about being respectful and kind to everyone and everything while we visited this beautiful place.  We discussed the fact that it would take a few minutes at the front desk for me to get the library cards.  We walked in to the most beautiful library I have ever seen!  The internet told me it has 53,000 square feet.  I believe it....and I fell in LOVE **maybe a little bit of lust** instantly!  The kids had gotten the message that you must be QUIET in the library.  This was awesome.  We step up to the counter with all the info the librarian needed to complete our requests.  I was ON TOP OF THINGS!  She....was not.  Ugh.  She was flustered and confused.  If you know me well....you know this is NOT a good thing for me.  I get flustered and confused too.  I talk about random things and laugh at the wrong times.  This didn't help anything!  I look over and my Carli is wiping her face back and forth across the fancy little glass thing on the counter.  I said...."Oh sweetheart, please don't do that." **this is my public voice for....what are you thinking???**   She says...."What?  I'm not licking it!!!"  **epic fail for Mommy of the year!**  She was all dressed up in half of her 'pirate' outfit from school.  This was a black leotard, red tights and a black and white pettiskirt tied up with a polka dot bow.....and don't forget the tall black boots! These women must have thought I had lost my mind!  I was beginning to wonder myself!  Kameron and Kylan found a display of WWII airplanes to look at.  I'm not sure there wasn't a little bit of glass case licking going on over there too.  By this time.....people are backing up.  The other librarians are trying to get 'confused librarian' to move over and let them handle our cards.  Finally, she gave up and let the 'not a bit nervous and upset' librarian handle things.  We are on our way......

We walk in to the 'children's area' and the 2 little kids almost fell over.  There were books, DVDs, CDs and other cool stuff everywhere.  They suddenly busted out in a total ADD moment and couldn't focus.  Kylan wanted Curious George books.  We had to look under the R's for Rey and he gathered up 3 books.  Then...he saw the movies....then he saw some other books.....  Carli has finally stopped drooling and finds a bunch of books.  They are carrying their plastic library cards, proudly....Oh wait!!...Looky....DVDs..... Kylan gets a bunch of movies that he has seen no less than 50 times on Netflix and is convinced it is a good idea to check them out.  Ummm...Ok...but do you know how hard it is for ALL of us to watch "All about Trucks" "All about John Deere" "All about Firetrucks"?????  Angelina Ballerina danced her way off the shelf and in to Carli's heart!  Guess what!!!  Their arms are tired and they can't carry the books.  They are much too heavy!  Enters Mommy:  AKA: Pack mule!

Kameron had a great time touching books.  He got a book and a movie.  Nothing more.  I love that kid!!! 

It's time to check out the books!  They have automated self check out!  WOW!  We scan Kylan's card....scan 4 books (at one time....how cool is that?) and it says DENIED!!!  Big red letters....DENIED!  I felt like an alarm was going to go off and the library police would enter at any time.  We try Carli's.....same thing.  We try MINE....same thing!  Kameron's.....ahhh...you get the point!  We go downstairs....Kylan drops a CD and the case comes all apart on the marble staircase.  LOTS of noise.  Oopsy!  Kameron thinks he might die from the embarrassment.  I think I might die because my nerves are SHOT!  We walk up to the librarian's counter and I ask about the 'sheet of paper' that explains how to download library books on our Kindles.  She was super kind, but I think the bulging eyes and raised eyebrows completely gave away my lack of sanity!  God bless her....she got me out of there quickly! 

We went back upstairs and informed the ladies at the front desk of our DENIED fiasco!  They had to re-enter all 4 cards several times to get them to work.  I wanted to run away....but they were so gracious and apologetic, I couldn't stand the thought of leaving them with the circus!  **What???  You thought I would take them with me......nope...no way...not at this point!** 

When we walked outside, I felt like I could breathe.  I was FREE.  I didn't have to bring the circus back to the library until it was time to return things in 2 weeks.  Then....I hear the approaching voice...Mam...Mam....can I talk to you??? Mam???  I turn around to see this precious little guy with a plaid backpack.  I can't image what he wants.  What did my circus do this time???  Did I have a hole in my pants???  He says....."I'm a massage therapy student and I'm looking for volunteers to come to our school and get massages for FREE.  Would you come to help me out?  I have to have a lot of massages logged before I can finish school."  I said...."Wait....did you see my limp?  Is that what happened?  My hubby is a chiropractor.  I know you must have seen my limp."  He said...."Well...yeah...kinda.  But will you come?"  I told him to give me his card and I would see if I could make it to his school for this said FREE massage.  He was too darned cute to let him down.  As I approach the van...it dawns on me....the biggest sign of needing a massage wasn't the limp I have from my knee surgery, but the THREE KIDS WITH ME!  Duh!  Head slap!!!  Of course, I'll come see you little guy with the plaid backpack!  I NEED a massage....and a margarita! 

We picked Kevin up at work and all 3 kids had to tell him about their day AT THE SAME TIME!!! I was almost to lose my mind!  I couldn't think....I couldn't breathe....I was fading fast.  I informed Kevin that it was after 6:00 and I had NOTHING planned for dinner.  We would have to grab something out or figure out how to thaw some meat in a HURRY when we got home.  Everyone voted on a hamburger place that they had heard was 'wonderful.'  This place was busy.  It was, obviously, where all the cool locals go for burgers.  It was bright...it was loud...it was busy....  I thought I might melt into a puddle in the floor.  We walked up to the counter to order.  The Daddy knows EXACTLY what HE will be eating....he orders....leaves me to help the kids decide.  **I'm secretly plotting his demise at this point.  Setting his alarm clock for 3am? Hiding the coffee???  He's going down....and I'm going to be the one to take him down.**  I step up with a smile painted on my face, bulging eyes (not sure they ever went down), raised eyebrows and a sickening sweet voice.  "I'm so sorry....this is our first time here....I'm a bit stressed."  The poor little guy behind the counter.....looking back at the huge line behind us....smiles nervously and says...."Oh...ok...that's fine."  We order...we pay...  The circus has found these HUGE boxes of peanuts and cute little bowls to put them in.  No circus is complete with out peanuts and a nutty Ringmaster....right??? They are on tip toes trying to reach.  I'm seeing the heads on the other side of the half wall and wondering if they will think it is 'funny' when that whole box of peanuts falls on their head.  Quick...somebody get me a coke...I'm going to find a chair....where are my new prayer friends???  Forget the school....pray for me!  I'm wrapped up in my own misery and I can't find a way out!

The ride home:  "Ok kids....when we get home...you go straight upstairs...get your showers...get your jammies...meet us on the couch."    Kameron tripped on the step front step....tore a hole in his good jeans and skinned his knee....blood...close to death....Carli has a melt down....Kylan remembers he DOES have a LITTLE homework after all...but it's just a book.....  Momma bear....."UPSTAIRS!!!  SHOWERS!!!!  JAMMIES!!!! THEN COUCH!!!" 

Gosh...it's so nice when they fall asleep on the couch.  They are so precious when they sleep!  I love that circus with every ounce of my heart.  Why do I lose my patience?  Why can't I just be the 'perfect Mommy?'  A well planned out meal would have been a really great idea.....it would have been better financially and I wouldn't have been worried about all the mishaps.....  Basically.....I had some wins and loses today.  I'm going to wake up tomorrow with a clean slate.  I'm going to try everything in my power to do better, but history shows.....I'm going to goof....  I think I'm going to decide to be 'ok' with that.  I am laying out my earmuffs right now.  What will those kids think when they get off the bus and see me wearing earmuffs???  Will the bus driver ask???  Do I care???  LALALALALA   I can't hear you!!! 

Merry Stinkin' Christmas from the Ruff Circus!!!

Today was the big Christmas Light Parade in our little town. *enter MADNESS*

As a therapy for my new form of insanity, I am blogging about my experience. 

 Please allow me my therapy to keep me from going elbow deep into a bag of

 Hershey's kisses or finding my way to a warm bath with an entire bottle of wine!!! 

Kevin asked me take a quick trip to Woodward with him this afternoon, so I did what I desired.....I went with him.  I got home just after the circus departed their bus.  Wildness was already in full swing.  We remembered there was a Christmas program practice at the church.  Ahhhh....  I had a couple of seconds to myself before they came home.  WRONG!!!  Phone ringing....text messages going off....in a hurry to find the perfect 'knock off' of the American Girl Doll for Santa to bring Carli for Christmas.  The Mam-ma is on the phone in the store....the Mommy is online seeing if we can get it cheaper online....  People....Maybe we should have just bit the bullet and bought the silly $100 doll.  WOW!  Mam-ma and Mommy are tired already.  This girl better carry this doll with her until she is at LEAST 18. 

Enters the circus.....  Mommy....Kylan isn't being nice.....Carli hurt my feelings.....AAAAHHHHHH!!!  Mommy is thinking of running away!  Phone rings.....Caryn...Where are you?  We need to be practicing some Christmas carols for after the parade tonight.  Remember...the Praise Team is leading the Christmas carols in the park???  WOW!  KIDS!!  GET YOUR SHOES ON....PUT ON SOME GLOVES AND A COAT....  Run out the door....Oh crapola!! Daddy took the van.  We get to load up in the 'Grandma Car' to head down there.  Don't mind the chainsaw in the backseat kids!  *I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried.*  Mommy....this door is so heavy I can't get it opened.  Kameron....move all that junk that Daddy has in the floorboard so you don't kick trash out in the park!!!  AAAAHHHHH!!!  Here we come in the RED BEAST....shiny and pretty on one side.....faded and DEAD on the other.  Here we come....a red streak buzzy down mainstreet. Kids bundled up and hugging the chainsaw!!!!  *still wondering why we are carting a chainsaw in the backseat of the Grandma car* 

Sound check in the park!  Oh wait....we don't have a single bit of music to practice.  Oh heck....let's just sing a praise song for the sound check!  We'll be just fine to show up and sing!!!  We're rock stars.....right???  OMG!!!  Are you serious???  Ok...well....we'll give it a shot.  :-) 

Heading home...Mommy freaking out because kids want to ride a float.  AAAHHHH....  Call the Daddy!  Help me!!!  When will you be home???  I have to get some warmer clothes on and we have 2 little kids that can't stand the thought of a parade that they aren't IN.  Daddy says....I'll be home very soon!!! 

Kylan is missing....the Baptist church is leaving with the float.....Carli is crying...she wants to ride???  I'm chasing the float....  Is Kylan on the float???  Driver....Ummm....I have no idea???  What???  Somebody from the float says....Kylan is on here.  Well....can you take Carli too???  Yes people....we are trash enough to just dump our kids on a random float.  By kids....see you in the park....if you want to go home with a stranger....do so....we'll find you later????  Really???  I always planned on being such a great parent!!! 

Fast forward....in the park....Praise team standing on the stage.... Microphones on....Music on stands....What songs are we singing???  There are about 12 on here....  Aaron says....Hmmm.....I don't know if I know any of these.  *I'm seriously dying at this point*  We try a song...not so good....next song...not so good....we are failing fast here people....one more song.....people are leaving....*I'm leaning on the fact that it was TOO COLD to stand out there singing.....but....I'm thinking we were really really bad....I could hear it*  What can you do???? STOP FOR THE NIGHT BEFORE YOU GET ANY WORSE!!!

In the car on the way home....  Daddy announces....I told the kids that this was the perfect night for hot chocolate and cinnamon toast for supper!!!  I promised!!!  THE DADDY....HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND???  DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH SUGAR THAT IS???  DO YOU PLAN ON THEM SLEEPING TONIGHT???  But...I promised!!!  Guess what they ate for supper???  Yup.  Daddy won!!!  Jan Jan shows up with the most wonderful strawberry cupcakes known to man....and brownies...and cornbread muffins.  Guess what we had for dessert????  Yup...more sugar!!!

It is now almost 9pm.  We have 2 little people sound asleep in a sugar coma on the couch.  It all worked out!! Can you believe it???  My heart is just now calming down.  I think I need to go to bed soon!! I don't want to live this for one more second!!!  I need my Kindle and my electric blanket....  I might even suck my thumb and cry!!! 

 

{Life Really IS a Circus}

Carli is getting undressed for her bath

and says (to a very unsuspecting Mommy).....

"Mommy, Kylan got dirt on my boobies!" 

People....I can't make this stuff up!!! 

(I really tried to keep a straight face and brace myself from falling

into the tub I was filling for her.)

Let me first explain what 'boobies' are at this circus......

A couple of years ago, Carli started calling bras...boobies...

She, then, wished for her very own 'boobies' for Christmas.

Jan Jan, being the awesome Grandma that she is,

made sure she had her OWN 'boobies' for Christmas.

Yesterday, Carli decided that she was going to be JUST LIKE MOMMY.

We used the same Bath and Body Works soap (Strawberry Lemonade)...

she wore 'make-up' AND 'boobies.' 

This is a picture of 'boobies' much like Carli's 'boobies.'



picture courtesy of JCP.com



(By the way....is there a maximum amount of times you can use the word 'boobies' in a blog post?
I think I might have gone over the allowed amount!)

Soooo.....apparently....

Kylan somehow got dirt on Carli's 'boobies'

while they were playing outside last night! 

I don't really know if I need to know the full story.....

Some things are better left to the imagination......



Photo by CAT Photography
I love being her Mommy!



I think for today....

I'm going to choose to be the happiest ME and enjoy the little things a little bit more!

What do you have planned for today????



Spring Break...is NOT for wimps!

Kevin and I had one of those 'Bright Ideas' and decided to take our 3 ring circus to Wichita, KS for the weekend. Oh my goodness..... Somebody should really save us from ourselves occasionally.

Kevin closed his office on Thursday afternoon and Friday in order for us to stay a nice long time on our mini vacation. We left out of town on Thursday at 1:00. Everybody was hungry and we agreed a quick stop through Loves in Buffalo would be a FANTASTIC start to our trip! Whining kids aparently dying from hunger in the back of the van made the trip a bit long, but there was an end in sight. So we thought.... We made our way into Loves and ambushed the very unexpectant workers with our circus! "I don't like sandwiches....I only want candy." "I'm 10 now...can't I have a foot long?" "I want every kind of added syrup in my coke." "I think I need to poop." Ugh... Every good Mommy knows that going into such a place requires a P.L.A.N. Do you think I had one??? Nope....Not a chance...I was on vacation. $38 later, we had FOOD and we were on the road.

The rest of the car ride went well. The kids acted like they were being raised by the amazing parents in the front seats. We made our way into Wichita with Orange Leaf frozen yogurt in the GPS. We made our way into the the precious store. Once again...ambushing unsuspecting workers. You know what.....Our kids were angels. We were all decked out in our St. Patricks day green because the MOMMA had a plan. You see....I had seen on the website for Orange Leaf that they would be giving 25% discouts to people wearing GREEN! We looked like a little leprechan family walking into that place. We all filled our cute paper bowls with yummy goodness and made our way to the register. I told the lady....Look we wore our green...don't forget our discount. She looked at me like I had stepped off Mars and said....Oh...sorry...that is only going on in the store on the EAST side of town. What??? Seriously??? We were staying on the EAST side, but intentionally went to the one on the WEST side because we would get there quicker. Ugh. Sad day.... It didn't ruin a thing. We all 5 had a wonderful time eating our frozen yogurt and listening to our favorite contemporary Christian music that was piped into the store. Ahhhh..... It was going to be a great weekend....

We did a little shopping at Mommy's Heaven on earth....TARGET! Carli was irritated the WHOLE time. She stated repeatedly....I HATE TO SHOP FOR EVERYTHING EXCEPT FOR SHOES AND JEWLERY. Where did she get that??? Should I take the blame???

Friday was the BIG day. We went to the Exploration Place. You see....we thought we were so smart. We went to KS the week before they got out of school for spring break. Well...we aren't as s.m.a.r.t. as we thought we were. You see....they got out on FRIDAY! Yup...we shared the whole place with a bunch of bratty O.P.K. If you don't remember what that stands for, it is Other People's Kids. ;-) I did the good Mommy thing and put my kids in matching t-shirts so we could find them. They said...Don't Be Mean...across the front. Guess what....those bratty OPK didn't give them a turn on the different exhibits and acted like total jerks to them. I was ready to turn the shirts wrong side out and give my kids a lesson in BULLY. Grrr...

Our sweet boys in their Don't Be Mean shirts!

Yikes!  It's Wormetta Roundbottom!  She appeared at the end of the day!



She's baaaccckkk!  Nice to see you Miss Carli!


We hit all of Kevin's favorite types of eateries....in case you don't know what these are....they are breweries. He loves to try new beers so he drags the family to all of these that he can find. My Daddy used to take the family to every truck stop he knew of....my husband...breweries. In his defense, the food is always fabulous and they make some really yummy iced tea for the rest of us. :-)


Saturday marked the day to visit the 3D IMAX movie theater. The kids wondered why we shared one bucket of popcorn and 2 large cokes. The $63 price tag to get is IN the movie theater was the reason for that. :-) The movie was awesome and we will all remember seeing Mars Needs Moms in that theater. We made some lasting memories.

Sunday...finally...we get to go home. A trip to Sams Club with 3 kids made Kevin and I long for the comforts of home. Oh my goodness...there is alot to pitch a fit about in that store. Just ask our kids...they will tell you.

Now...we are almost 2 weeks past the trip and I am remembering some things a little bit more fondly than I was when we got home. It was a wild ride and I do NOT want to to it again anytime soon, but we made some great memories. I'm thinking we made some really great memories for some of the retail workers and other shoppers too. :-) I think we provided a lot of good entertainment. I have to admit....there were times that I felt like I was melting down with them and probably made a scene or two of my own. :-)

I have a great little family and I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I wasn't the Ringmaster of this circus. Life is good....it really is good....

Tax Free??? Seriously????

I would have loved to update my Facebook status to tell you all about my weekend, but it simply wasn't possible. I have too much to tell say!!

My dear wonderful friend Wendi listened to me when I told her all about the "Sketch to Screen" exhibit at the OKC Art Museum. She got me a family membership to the museum for my birthday. How awesome is that??? The exhibit is set to leave on August 15th, so Kevin and I knew we had to get there very quickly before we missed it. We made our plans, got Jan Jan to babysit and headed off to OKC on Friday night. I have to mention....we had plans to get get school supplies for 3 kids while we were there. (This is a key point later in the story.) Friday night was awesome. I read my book while Kevin drove and listened to his iPod. It was so relaxing being able to do what we wanted without any kids yelling the background. We had a nice dinner and at On the Border and had a beautiful hotel room for the night. We got up Saturday morning and started our day with a trip to the museum....

I am not your normal person who loves fashion of all types. I love to touch the fabrics, feel them on my face, in my hand, smell them and taste them if I need to. We walk into the first room and I see 2 gowns worn in some Hollywood movie in the 20's. Please note....I'm not a HUGE Hollywood fan. I enjoy watching movies and think that the actors and actresses have great talent.....but.....I LOVE FASHION!!! When I saw those two hand made dresses I gasped. Yes...I really did. I really thought I was going to cry. The velvet ropes and the security guard made it impossible for me to fully EXPERIENCE these 2 works of art. I kept fiddling with my hands wanting to touch them so badly. Judging simply on the age of the garments....I think the tasting part was out of the question. Do you know they have doorbells on those items that go off if you get too close??? Craziest thing I've ever seen!!! Anyway....I saw the dress that was worn by some lady that played Cleopatra too! It was incredible. The artistry is amazing!! It truly is! There were outfits from all sorts of movies, but my favorites were the ones that were the most elaborate. Kevin thought the Wolverine and Skeletor outfits were awesome, but I couldn't care less. I wanted to touch them!!! Everywhere I turned....another security guard and a whole group of uppity old ladies that wouldn't let me get close enough. I'm pretty sure everyone in that place thought I was NUTS and I was beginning to wonder myself! Is it normal to be this excited by fabrics and embellishments??? These designers are incredible. 3 dresses worn in Gone With The Wind and 2 from Titanic rank on my favorites list. The work is so amazing! The dress that the designer didn't have the funds to make and had Liza Minnelli bring her own white sequined Halston gown in and it was remade into an incredible work of art. What movie??? Not a clue.... Seriously.... I couldn't remember the movie if my life depended on it, but I can tell you all about the accordion folded chiffon in hot pink and red that cascaded in a long beautiful train. Wow!!! Anyway.... I'm just sharing this little bit of information with you so you know..... I have lived a lot of years out of the fashion world and I love the life I live, however.....you can't take the love of fabrics and embellishments out of a girl. I will forever have a special place in my heart for fashion. I think I'm all ate up with it..... I really do!!! I loved the rest of the museum as well. Kevin spent a lot of time sitting in front of the TV watching "The Way Things Move" while I experienced the room of an artist that was all excited about boobies....yup...you read that right!!! He was very talented, but he really had an obsession with boobies. He even drew skeletons with boobies!!! Apparently, they were all in a very cold environment too!!! (if you catch my drift) My goodness!!! I was glad I didn't have my precious little boys in there with me. :-) If you haven't been to the OKC MOA you should take the trip, if for no other reason....to see the glass art by Chihuly! Wow! I could have spent days in there! He is simply incredible!!!

Ok....so enough about our museum trip....it was awesome...relaxing (except for the heart palpitations that I felt in the fashion rooms)......and we had a wonderful time.

Now...my dear friends....it was time to shop for school supplies for 3 kids!!! Kevin and started this leg of the trip with a very bad idea. Why don't we drive to the Quail Springs area and do our shopping there??? They have every store we could ever want and more!?!? We should have said....Why don't we go hang out in Iraq with the soldiers!!! OMG!! We went into the whole day with a laid back attitude and we were almost eaten by mothers of small children that she brought with her on the hunt. All kidding aside....I thought we might die! We went to Target and found isles full of empty school supply displays. Finally....we had to go get some lunch and Kevin drank 3 beers to get his courage up for the rest of the hunt. We were ready for a change!!! We headed to NW Expressway and found everything we needed in a much more laid back....Switzerland...environment. Praise the Lord!! We lived through it!!! After being home for a day and having some time the think, I have come to the conclusion that anybody who shops during the Tax Free Weekend is NUTS!!!! It wasn't our intention, it just happened to turn out that way. We were worried that there would be very large crowds and our concerns were valid!!! No more tax free for us......The Ruff Circus will pay the tax and be happy we did!!!! We will get out of stores with our lives and our limbs and the rest of those people can fight amongst themeselves.....nope....not us!!! Not this circus!!!

I am happy to announce....all 3 Ruff children were happy and healthy when we returned. I'm not sure they would have survived the trip.....if some other mother didn't eat them....I might have!!! After witnessing the things I witnessed this weekend.....I am vowing that I will do every possible thing to avoid taking my kids to pick out their own school supplies. Our kids were THRILLED with the things we brought home....ya know why???? Because they didn't know there were any other options!!! :-) Life is good today....really really good today!!!!